"Operators Endorse Union Home’s REIT to Investors"

I thought this was just a one-off comical REIT story. Alas, however, there is more breaking newscoming from Nigeria: There is such a thing as "Guaranteed High Profit Yield"! Who said profitable REIT investing was difficult?



Not at all. In fact, all you need to do is exchange your Dollars (or Sterling) for Niara and off you go! In the continuing PR saga blizzard of puffed-up press releases related to Union Home’s we'd rather not bother with a prospectus hybrid Real Estate Investment Trust (REIT) offering, Business Day Online has dutifully chronicled that will be 29 donkeys, 2 brown-eyed virgins and 6 cans of petrol the unanimous approval of the Union Homes REIT by Nigerian stockbrokers. hallelujah!

According to Business Day Online, the REIT "guarantees high profit yield". Thank goodness, because I really wouldn't know what else to do with all my money. But wait! There's more: Sanya Olu also confirms that the REIT has been "transparently structured by reputable we beat parole, what's it to you? parties, which testifies to its viability". He further explained that it offers "multiple stream [sic] of income generation to investors through rental, sales, mortgage interest, money market and equity price appreciation". Robert Kiyosaki, eat your poor dad's Hawaiian heart out!

Sanyo Olu, whoever he is, also says that Union Bank guarantees the REIT, which means that "investors would not loss their investment no matter the situation". And we're in luck, because "United Bank for Africa plc is the trustees" for the REIT. And you thought it was tough to make a living trading on the NASDAQ...

Disclosure: Profitable web site for sale, cheap.

The Fire Sale to Fortress

Hats off to Deal Junkie for the tip on this hysterical video. Unfortunately, there is also a grain of truth in it: Reuters is reporting that foreigners dumped nearly $11 billion from their holdings of GSE debt in the last four weeks, and analysts say they won't return in force before it's clear if -- and how -- the government will back Fannie and Freddie. GSE yields have reached levels not seen since the weeks prior to the Fed's forced sale of Bear Stearns to JPMorgan...

Looking For Good News? Try Nigeria!

Where is Mbele and what happened to my money?

Union Homes floats N50b REIT fund. By Gbenga Agbana and Femi Adekoya

AFRICA'S first Real Estate Investment Trust (REIT) fund has been floated by Union Homes Saving & Loans Plc, a subsidiary of Union Bank of Nigeria Plc. The fund manager would be Union Homes Saving and Loans Plc, and the fund would be quoted on the Nigerian Stock Exchange.

The Union Home REIT, is a closed-ended unit trust scheme that aims to move beyond sophomoric email scams achieve long-term capital appreciation of assets by investing in a portfolio of high-quality real estate and mortgage assets.

For its effective take-off, Goldman Assets Management Limited goldman sachs to goldman assets management: can i please have my name back?? acting as financial adviser and lead arranger, alongside Union Capital Market Limited as joint issuing house, is packaging an offer for public subscription of 970.9 million units of N51.50 each in the Union Homes REIT.

According to the prospectus, the funds would invest a minimum of 90 per cent of its assets in real estate and real estate related assets and a maximum of 10 per cent would be invested in quality money market instruments.

Already, the council of the Nigerian Stock Exchange has approved in exchange for certain recompense the admission of the 970.9 million units being offered for subscription on its daily official list, and the units qualify as securities in which trustees may invest under the Trustee Investment Act, Cap T22, laws of the Federation of Nigeria, 2004 as such may be "amended" from day to day!

As a form of mandatory subscription, the sponsors of the Union Homes REIT will subscribe to 10 per cent of the total fund size as mandated by the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) rules and regulations guiding collective investment schemes.

Key features of the offer include nigerian law! a forecast cash distribution of N1.50 per unit invested in the 2009 financial year and currency risk! N3.25 per zolo for initial investors. Also there is political risk! a yearly payout of dividend with the minimum payout fixed at 90 per cent what to do with all those precious nigerian niaras! according to the Chairman of Union Homes Saving & Loans Plc, Dr. Batholomew Ebong.

According to the Managing Director of Goldman Assets Management Limited, Mr. Olu Abayomi-Sanya, the Fund would be listed on the stock exchange, post offer, as a separate entity after we have thoroughly looted it!

The offer opens on August 11 and closes hurry! on September 11, 2008.


"I present to you an urgent and confidential opportunity. This is an excellent, 100% risk-free investment in quality Nigerian mortgages and money market instruments, requiring the highest level of trust, security and confidentiality between us..."

Wrecked REITs: Don't Quote Me On It!

Alesco Financial in the land of the living dead

May 7, 2007: "As of the end of the first quarter, we had fully invested stuffed ourselves silly with dodgy Trups all of the capital raised in 2006 manic bubble mania! in asset classes which have exhibited historically low default rates and which we believe will continue to provide our investors with solid risk adjusted returns".

December 10, 2007: "We are pleased with our achievements in continuing to deliver bend over! value to shareholders" James McEntee, CEO of Alesco

December 31, 2007: AFN records a "significant" GAAP net loss of $1.3 billion, or just sayin $22.48 per share and REIT status is in jeopardy.

May 8, 2008: "There can be no assurance that AFN's board will determine to maintain the dividend rate."


Face down in the Crystal River

July 26, 2006: CRZ prices initial public offering at $23 per share, a then goes on a buying spree, quickly growing the portfolio to $3.3 billion manic bubble mania yet again! in just 8 months. "With our measured investment strategy, our portfolio is well-positioned to generate strong returns in 2007." Clifford Lai, President and CEO of Crystal River

2007 Results ahhh, deliverance: The Company records a net loss for the year totaling $345.9 million, or $13.86 per share, but hey, at least we lost less than those innumerate juvies over at Alesco and GAAP common equity book value per share declines to $4.48.


Deerfield Resources gets skinned

June 25, 2005: Deerfield sells 25 million shares of its common stock at $16.00 per share. The offering includes approximately 680,000 shares being sold by existing stockholders.

May 12, 2008: DFR reports a Q1 (March 31, 2008) loss of $463.6 million, or $8.43 per diluted common share. REIT status has been in jeopardy since March when DFR was forced to sell the bulk of its AAA rated RMBS portfolio. "Pricing pressure on financial assets has abated since quarter end, and we have successfully stabilized we sold everything we could and there's nothing left! our capital structure" Deerfield CEO Jonathan Trutter

June 17, 2008: DFR trades below $1.00 for 30 consecutive days, triggering a delisting notice from the NYSE.

Thornburg Mortgage finds a way

'There is no possible way' how about that way, homie! the company can lose $3.5 billion worth of long-term capital in a portfolio filled with highly rated mortgage assets.
Larry Goldstone, President & CEO, The Wall Street Journal August 7, 2007


Even (gasp!) confusion and double talk from Merrill Lynch

John Thain on January 18, 2008:"We're very confident that we have the capital base now that we need to go forward in 2008."

John Thain on March 8, 2008 "...Today I can say that we will not need additional funds. These problems are behind us we are still being sodomized [and] we will not return to the market and get sodomized twice by the Singaporeans

John Thain on March 16, 2008 "We have more capital than we need, so we can say ouch! to the market that we don't need more injections. We can confirm that we have tackled the problem"

July 28, 2008: Merrill gets tackled by Lonestar, announcing plans to raise new equity capital in an $8.5 billion public offering, along with the sale of its "super senior" CDO assets for .22 cents on the dollar.

to be continued,...

Disclosure: Somehow, I managed to avoid these dogs. But I got fleas and rabies elsewhere, trust me